I wonder... what if...

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision in life... you know I have always wondered what is the right thing that decides a person's choice of his career! Is it the choice of your parents, your own interest/passion, your aptitude, your circumstances, practical issues, absence/presence of good opportunities, or is it just destiny... or a combination of all these? Hmmm..... I have pondered over this quite a lot...

Well, I do not know about others, but I guess there were a variety of reasons for me to take up the career I have chosen! Back home in India, the usual career path for anyone is either to become "an engineer" or "a doctor". My parents have never forced their decisions on me, though they have always been full of "suggestions". I am sure they wanted me to be either of these, but they would never have forced me to take up one of them, in case I really did not want to do that! I, being an "ideal" son you may say ;) took up one of them, of course!

Ever since I was a kid, I always dreamed of being a doctor. I imagined that I would some day be able to save someone's life; someone would think of me in respect... well, basically I always thought I would be a doctor; in fact, I had even gone to the extent of "choosing" my "specialisation" as cardiology or gynecology..... :) So my passion had always been to become a "medical doctor" (you see, I could still do my PhD and become a so called "doctor"! hahaha... I do not think I will be doing that now anyway)

As far as my aptitude goes, I guess I was quite a decent student in school. My family placed a lot of importance on education and I was interested in it as well... My favorite subjects as I grew up were Mathematics, Chemistry and Zoology (I guess medicine would be a better term)... a strange combination - don't you think? Most of my friends who took up medicine hated mathematics or they found it difficult. And most of my fellow engineers hated anything to do with biology! I was interested in both... I had a decent ability to solve problems in geometry/trigonometry/calculus and loved zoology though I was not that good at drawing the figures... I guess most of the doctors do not have a good handwriting or drawing abilities anyway ;) or is it just that they want to write illegibly? I do not know!

Circumstances/practical issues? Well... I guess I was thinking about my long term plans when I had to make a decision regarding my career. Till my tenth grade, I always dreamed of being a doctor... it was then that I realised that if I was to be a doctor, it would take me 5.5 years to complete the Bachelor's degree, followed by maybe 2-3 years of Master's and maybe more specialisation to follow. Also, I heard from people that just academic merit would not ensure a seat in the Master's program. Settling down as a doctor in India is much harder as compared to being a doctor in the US. If I were to be an engineer, I could finish my bachelor's in 4 years, Master's within 2 years in the US and have a decent job back home in India. These were the issues I had to think about! We were financially stable but I do not think we were so well off that I could just not worry about stuff... I know my parents would have loved me to take up medicine if I was interested in that! So, it was just left to me to decide!

The other factor I talked about is the presence/absence of opportunities. Well, I almost decided that I would be a software engineer by the time I was in my eleventh grade. But I never neglected biology - I don't know why but I just could not bring myself not to study biology! Maybe I had to prove to myself, or others, I do not know, that I had a choice of taking up the career of my choice. After my twelfth grade, I had a good score in both the engineering as well as the medical streams - the final moment of decision came! And I chose as I had decided - A Software Engineer in a good engineering college!

Well, I think it was a combination of all the different factors, and of course the most important factor - "DESTINY" that I ended up being a software engineer. Not that I do not love my profession, I like it and enjoy what I do, but I will always be in awe of a doctor... I always have these thoughts when I am alone and relaxing, when I do not have anything else to think I guess ;) ... "what if I had been a surgeon... what if... "

But the optimist that I am, I always believe that whatever has happened has happened for the best! And I am happy with what I am now... :) Yet, I wonder... what if.....

Relax.... and be contented!

Just got a mail from a friend, with a link to another blog... a really nice one I felt! The blog talks
about a song with some great lyrics.. about the importance of some stuff in life and the like.

"Baz Luhrmann:Everybody's Free (To Wear SUNSCREEN)"

is the song I think. Gotta listen to that song today!

It's so true that we get to know the value of a thing only when we lose it.... and even though we know it, we rarely realise it and make up for it... the human nature is that way I guess... and it's also absolutely true that you need to enjoy the small things in life, you need to take time to enjoy the beauty of nature - to hear the chirping of the birds, to watch a beautiful sunset, to smell the fresh earth when it has just begun to rain, to feel the drops of dew on grass early in the morning, to taste the first drops of rain... I do know that these are the small things that make you happy, in the monotonic melancholy of life. But I do not know if I really do that - of course, I try to do it when I get a chance... but it's been a long time since I got one... I did get to watch the sunset at the beach - that really made my day (though it was the end of the day ;))

It is such a great feeling to just relax in the sun with no worries, no thoughts - just enjoy the moment alone, or with a good friend! I think you need to do that periodically to get some sense of hope and "life" into your life! I do not know when I will get a chance to do that... hope it will be sometime soon... hope... "HOPE" is the only constant thing in life I guess... I, being such an eternal optimist (I tell my friend that I am enough "positive" for the both of us, and he is enough "negative" for the two of us...!), I do not know what will happen the day I give up hope... "Hope" that I never give up "HOPE"!

Life goes on....

Work seems to be going on fine; actually I'm getting to enjoy work more these days. I guess that's because I have lots to do now and I see people having an interest in what I am doing. I think people's interest in your work, concern for you and the general environment is a great motivating factor. And I think that's what keeps me going - of course, other than that life is so mechanical.

Meeting someone in an unconventional way and getting to be friends is really cool I think. Like meeting someone in the bus or a library or on the internet and talking, exchanging snippets and feelings about stuff - it all seems so different and relieving to talk to someone you don't even know, and you don't even care! Getting to be friends and making new friends is always an interesting thing.

Yesterday, I'd been out to the beach with friend. It was really cool. It was the first time I went to a beach. It seems to be so serene and peaceful, just the sound of the waves and the squawking of the sea gulls. The sunset was awesome. I promised myself to get some snaps of the beautiful sunset some time.