Life's been changing... I just remembered these verses of a poem I had read when I was a kid:
"Baduku jataka bandi, vidhi adara sahebha
kudure nee, avanu peldanthe payanigaru,
maduvego, masanako hogenda,
kadegodu, padakusiye nelavihudu mankutimma…"
A great poet in Kannada wrote these verses... and here is the translation: "Life is akin to a horse cart whose driver is none other than destiny; man is the horse who will go wherever he is directed to go unquestioningly." When I was in my eighth grade, I had to learn the poem by heart and write essays about it! I was too young and naive to understand the depths of the poem. And how true it is in our lives...
I have been having this vague feeling that I am totally out of control of my life, it is being played out for me and I am just being led on to wherever it is taking me. I am no longer sure of stuff in life. I used to be this ever-confident, ever-optimistic guy... not that I am not all of that now... but I have taken a step back and looking at life from another person's eyes, maybe... or maybe I am just living in phases, where I am changing constantly from one phase to the next...
Sometimes I feel life is all interesting and cheery, sometimes I feel it is so boring and sad! Sometimes I miss home and friends a lot, sometimes I do not even feel like calling up home or talking to anyone... Sometimes I wish I was a kid going to school without any worries, sometimes I wish I just have to go off somewhere all alone and stay there forever! haha... too weird thoughts for me...
I read the last couple of my blogs and I felt that I have been writing some really weird things... I don't know why... :) Anyways, it's a way of getting things out of the system or thinking out loud, maybe! Anyways, it feels good to write; I had the sudden urge to write now, sudden inspiration if I may so (though I don't think people write such s**t from inspiration... hahahaha)! And so, here pops up a blog!
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7 comments:
I can relate to the feelings that you are going through. I've had this sense/feeling for a while now and not sure what to do about them. I guess they are all part of our lives.
What would be the best way to get in touch with you? Email? avikumar_18@yahoo.com?
I think email to my gmail ID (avinash.ca@gmail.com) would work better! :)
Well, it's nothing... but lately I am having these “feeling” swings I guess because of this small city I live in… there is nothing much to do, or I am just tired of working and I need a vacation, or I live by myself, or that I have not found the friends that I would like to hang out with. I mean there could be scores of reasons that I am not sure about. Speaking of vacations I just had one last year. So, no I don't think I need a vacation. Perhaps I just need to move to a big city, or live near to it. Perhaps I need to find something else to do and change my job.
I mean it's not all that bad! I have pleasant/serene moments too. But this re-occuring feeling swings *Gosh*. Sometimes make you think if you are even in control of your feelings... let alone your life! Well, I don't think I have ever had a control of my life :) Just kidding! I don't know, in control of ones' life is more important or control of one's feelings?
Flip side of all of this is life is good :) plenty of stuff to read on the web. I might go catch a movie here and there. Might take road trips to not too distant places! :) Just kick back relax! :)
I thought, I might share these with you as you wrote "but I have taken a step back and looking at life from another person's eyes"
I just decided to put it out there but thanks for your email!
Hmmm well... yeah nice 2 ur reply! Interesting food for thought there... hope 2 chat more with u, on e-mail... :) I'll wait for ur mail...
okay, i just sent you an email!
now u know what it is to feel like me :)
oh shut up! lol... sum things are better left unsaid... :)
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