Is this NOT anti-feminist?

I was just following up on the elections online... and through a series of clicks (getting digressed on the Internet -- we've all done that!), ended up in this blog quoting the following "shloka"; the article was titled "Is this anti-feminist?" Well, I for one, do think it is... hence, the title for this blog...

Karyeshu dasi, Karaneshu manthri;
Roope cha Lakshmi, Kshamayaa dharitri;
Bhojyeshu mata, Shayaneshu rambha;
Shatkarma yukta, Kuladharma pathni.

A fairly veridical translation would be:

A good worker like a house-maid; a good adviser like a minister;
Beautiful like Goddess Lakshmi; Land of forgiveness;
A caretaker like a mother; Great in bed like Rambha;
One with all these six qualities makes an ideal wife.

Anybody who reads this, in this age and day, without a second thought, would say "WTF"... or any other equivalent expression! A good worker like a maid? Come on now... if you want a maid, go pay someone to do the work for you. Beautiful? What about the "not beautiful" ones? I did not want to use "less fortunate" here... Is beauty everything? All forgiving? yea, whatever the husband does, just forgive... Caretaker like a mother? Get a nurse, buddy... Great in bed? no comments there...

Wow... Come on now, if this is not male chauvinism... what is? If there was a very similar "shloka" for an ideal husband, maybe then I would not be so irked and so vociferous about my thoughts on this... Some people may raise objections, saying that the "shloka" does not actually mean to demean women, it should not be taken in the literal sense! Even if we go by the essence of the "shloka", I would still say that the "shloka" should have talked of "the other partner" in marriage than specifically the "wife". Whatever is expected of the wife, should be expected of the husband as well. This just speaks of the age-old male dominance still prevalent in our society... I get so worked up about these things sometimes that I could just rant on and on...

And I was appalled to read the comments on the blog! I really could not believe it. More than half of the comments were condoning the "shloka"... some even saying "The Sanskrit "shloka" holds for not only women of ancient society, but also to the modern women, because newly married couples are getting divorced within few days of married life." These words coming from the younger generation Indians... I was really shocked that we have so many people who still prefer to stay in the Utopian era. Though things are improving, people like this will just pull us back... not allowing us to move ahead.

I am not a feminist activist... I am more an "equal" rights person. I am not against the ancient Hindu philosophies. In fact, I am devout, God-believing Hindu. I am just saying we should have a sense of what is right and what is not... we should be more open. I am not one of the conservatives... I am a liberal, and proud of it! I do not go bashing up someone just because I do not agree with them. Everyone is free to his own opinion, as long as it does not harm others.

I believe that one should never force one's thoughts on a person, just because of one's convictions and pre-suppositions. Every person has the right to have his/her own views and opinions. "Equality", irrespective of sex, race, religion, language, region, sexuality... should be the aim and people should get over their prejudices and close-mindedness. OMG... do not even get me started on what's happening in Mumbai right now... uff... I guess I am going off in a tangent! Let me end this write-up with a small deliberation that keeps clawing into my mind... is India taking small baby steps forward slowly, while running giant steps backward?

Crash... a collision of "stereotypes"

It has been quite a while... a flurry of changes in life... a move to a new place, new job... I haven't had the volition to write for reasons unknown... or known, for that matter. Anyway, I had a chance to watch the movie "Crash" yesterday... an emotionally intense movie.

"It's the sense of touch. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something." These first few lines of the movie touch a chord, catch the attention, and form the core theme around which the plot is developed.

The movie continually emphasises the fact that things in life are not black and white... there are always shades of gray... each person is the sum total of each and every experience he has had in his life. The characters are just a representation of the different socio-economic segments of the society... each of them evolves as the movie progresses. Throughout the course of the movie, our impression of the characters keeps changing. The movie has several underlying themes - the way that we are all just "connected" with the people we interact with knowingly or unknowingly, though we may never get to know each other at a personal level; the fact that we are the victims of our own prejudices; the misconception among most of us that there is nothing beyond what we know; the hypocrisy when it comes to some of our own misconstrued beliefs, leading to insensitivity... each and every one of these aspects is well depicted, through the events in the lives of the characters within a span of 36 hours.

The beauty of the movie lies in the fact that it accentuates repeatedly on the reason or logic behind an action than the action itself. I personally feel that the movie is well-made... a lot of interpretation of the situations is left to the discretion of the viewer - I feel that this is one of the positive aspects of the movie. The movie could have been subtler, but I have a feeling that this crudeness serves the movie well. There are several situations where the movie actually has subtle messages well portrayed.

Also, I believe that racism was just a way of putting across the message to the viewers... we never know how a minute, miniscule action of ours could affect another person, we should "STOP" (subtly indicated by the several STOP signs shown through the course of the movie - one of the several instances of the ingenuity shown by the makers), think about the morality, logic and consequences of our actions and only then go ahead... we should get out of our pre-conceived notions, our sanctimoniousness, and try to open ourselves to the possibility of the existence of things alien to us, try to understand and co-exist with them despite the diverse perspectives...

Overall, you may eventually like the movie or not, but I can surely vouch that "Crash" is a must-watch for movie aficionados.

"Jaane tu ya jaane na..." --- FABulously FRESH

I was in desperate need of a feel-good movie... and I guess that this movie was prescribed by the doctor for my needs... lol! The movie as a whole was pretty decent, nothing out of the world... a cheesy romantic comedy without a lot of usual drama we tend to associate with such movies... but still with a high degree of predictability! Irrespective of all that, I loved the movie... maybe it was more because of the timing when I watched it, rather than the actual movie itself, that made me love it.

The movie is filled with authentic performances. Imran as Jai is sweet, cute, lovable... as Aditi's brother begrudgingly admits, he is everything every mom would want in her son, any person would look for in their better half... About Genelia as Aditi, I cannot write enough... If "freshness" were to be human, it would be in her form. She is so adorable that you cannot help but fall in love with Aditi. Cameos by Arbaaz and Sohail Khan, Naseeruddin Shah and Paresh Rawal, and the interaction within the group of friends provide the comic ingredient in the movie - the timing is exquisite!

One really believable character in the movie, for whom you empathise, is Meghna... who prefers to live in denial. Rather than face the harsh reality, she prefers to close her eyes and dream on that everything is fairy-tale-beautiful in the world. You wish that you could help her... your heart goes out to the sweet girl. The other character who you start loving in the movie is Amit, Aditi's brother... an alienated, lost soul, well portrayed by Prateik... I felt that there was more room to explore his character and the sibling relationship there. I still do not understand the dynamics of the human brain... the relationship between Rotlu and Bombs... :) Anyways, I guess, all is well that ends well...

Overall, the movie was well-made... the songs are really catchy and sweet. I really expected a better picturisations for a couple of songs... You can easily identify yourself with Mala, the girl to whom the entire love-story is being narrated to... sometimes you feel that she is saying exactly what is in your mind... a good touch. I'll end this brief write-up with the sweet song:

"Kabhi kabhi Aditi zindagi mein yuhi koi apna lagta hai.
Kabhi kabhi Aditi wo bichhar jaaye to ek sapna lagta hai.
Aise mei koi kaise apne aansuo ko behne se roke?
Aur kaise koi sochle everything's gonna be ok?"

"Sometimes in life, we find someone providentially.. and we feel they are ours... Sometimes when they go away from us, it all feels like a dream. In such a situation, how can we hold back the tears that threaten to flow out of the eyes? And how can we think that everything's going to be fine?"

Sweet song... and the song goes on into a positive note...

"Suun to jara madhosh hawa tujhse kehne lagi.
Ke Aditi wo jo bichhadte hai ek na ek din phir mil jaate hai;
Aditi jaane tu ya jaane na phool phir khil jaate hai."

"Listen to the dreamy breeze that is talking... saying that we will get the person who went away, one day or the other... You may know it or not, flowers will bloom again..."

I have been listening to it repeatedly and have totally fallen in love with the tune as well as the lyrics... lol... True or not, imaginary or real, overly optimistic or not... all that we need in a life is a ray of hope... huh?

Get Real!!!

I've been putting off blogging for quite some time now... just did not have enough inspiration, or the mood to actually sit down and write! I think I should write more often... it helps me clear my mind... it's soothing in a way! I'll try to blog more often! Anyways, it's not like a sudden bolt of inspiration struck me now and I had a sudden change of mood to write... it's more like a culmination of the desire to write for the past few days...

"Get Real..." Is it not quite easy to say or do, at first glance? It seems so simple... just get real, dude! However, if we dwell on it, we might see that this statement has innumerable interpretations, several layers of depth... as we go deeper, we find heterogeneous, vivid expositions...

The first thing that strikes me is the question "how would we define reality?" I would turn to science for most of the issues when there is even a grain of doubt in my mind regarding them. Some issues may be "gray", left to the interpretation of the individual. Also, I personally feel that science cannot explain feelings and emotions... YET! It will not be long before scientists actually are able to do that as well... lol... I am heading off along a tangent now! Let's get back to the topic of discussion.

Something that one individual considers to be real may be imaginary to another! There could be two scenarios here.
The former being that the thing or issue is actually imaginary. In this case, it could be due to the fact that the individual may be in desperate exigence of the thing to maintain their sanity or sense of happiness. It could be a matter of misconception of fact that lead them to believe in the issue. It could just be naivety.. and life would make them realise that what they assume is real is just not the way things actually are.
The latter being that the issue is actually real. In this case, it may be nescience... the individual might just not know that such a thing or issue exists for real... they might think that it is just a fragment of imagination. It might be denial, manifested as the obsessive need to ignore the issue and remain ignorant about it. It could be that the individual does not understand or feel the actual issue and hence, might categorize it as being chimerical. There could be a multitude of reasons!

One other dimension of the statement could be the fact that sometimes "getting real" is not the best thing. Escape from reality... something I am fond of doing occasionally, as I guess most of us do! Flight or fight, as psychology says, is the normal human reaction to most unfavorable situations. When we cannot fight it, we just fly away from it. Of course, we eventually have to fight the demon and vanquish it... lol... but a brief stint into the realm of fantasy might just be helpful. Well, if we do not "get real", life has its own bitter-sweet way of kicking us in a place that hurts and say, "Get out of your dreams and imaginations... Get Real!"

On a lighter note, for us computer scientists and mathematicians, I just thought of a banter between "i" and "pi"...

A muddle of contradictions!

The human psyche is such a complicated phenomenon... it has a plethora of emotions, each having a multitude of dimensions, each showing up in different ways... sometimes alone, sometimes as a combination of sorts! And it gets more convoluted as they start contradicting one another. And the mind goes into a state of mayhem when feelings and thoughts refute one another. I have been contemplating these random thoughts for some time now.

Sometimes, you just know what you have to do! But you just cannot do it... the mind cannot comprehend a situation where things do not go in the way they were "supposed" to go! It is so easy to act nonchalant about issues, to pretend... trying to be superficially fine with the things as they are or the way they are going to be in the near future. You can go into a state of denial or a state of ignorance, or maybe just hit the problem head-on(which I guess rarely ever happens!).

Consider a situation where someone very close to you is moving away. The positive side of the mind says, "enjoy when you can... these are the little moments you can treasure and remember..." One other part of the mind says, "what is the point! it is anyways not going to last... you will be left all alone to yourself... do not let anyone in! do not let yourself be hurt... keep everything at a superficial level..." There is a random part of the mind which just wants to whack the person hard on the head and put some sense into them! I can think of a couple more better ways of trying to clear their head... or not? lol... but again, some things are better left unsaid... a delicate balance being maintained should not be disturbed. Are you ready to take a leap of faith? The logical part of the mind says a huge, resounding NO!!! The optimistic, cuddly, innocent part says maybe... But again, a small jump seems feasible... a huge leap... the mind would definitely say no!

As they say, emotions cannot be told the science of logic, nor the rules of morality! But trying to do that is what starts the turbulence in the mind. If we try to incorporate some logic into our emotions, maybe we would be much happier? And I think we would never be able to live with ourselves if we were not morally right, at least to our own standards... this is definitely true for me, and I guess for a lot of people as well... Anyways, it is this act of trying to assimilate logic and morality into emotions and act according to that, is what creates the prolific fizzle of tumultuous instability inside us... it all finally dies down with a state of no emotion...

Let me try to use some terminology from computer science... after all, that is supposedly my "major" of study... Would it not have been simply wonderful if our mind was like a RAM (Random Access Memory), instead of a PROM (Programmable Read Only Memory)? Just remembering incidents and people till we shut down (sleep)... and when we boot up (wake up), it is all erased... afresh, anew... we would not even remember meeting some people... we would forget all the hurt... we would forget the joy as well... but again, should we not be satisfied with just the moment of joy? Sometimes it just would be the greatest thing, but sometimes it would just be heart-breaking to forget some things... lol... the "famous", or should I say... the "infamous" CONTRADICTION strikes again?

All I want is you...

"All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea"

The movie "Juno" opens with this song... the tune is catchy and of course the lyrics are great... the romantic in me really loved it I guess... The song just goes on and on about what "I" would be if "you" were something... very cheesy and feel-goody... lol... a sense of contentment and security by "holding in your arms" and at the same time, a sense of nonchalance and danger by "swaying like the sea"... I believe that the concept is too romantic... like in the dreams... too unworldly... nevertheless it is this idea that makes one hopeful for a better tomorrow... to look for the "one" to whom one can say "All I want is you..." and who says the same thing back!

Life is like a meandering river... or a stream? It takes us through the exquisite beauty of mother nature... forests, trees, beautiful sunsets, sunrises... nice neighborhoods... and of course there will always be rocking of the boat... dangerous terrain... rough waters... it shows us everything... and makes the ride interesting, sad, joyous... and all the other emotions you can think of... :)

Is it in the human mind to perceive what it internally feels, in the nature outside? I guess so... Consider a rainy day! If you are internally feeling sad, you get a feeling that the nature is shedding silent tears with you... The same rain accompanied with a fresh smell of moist earth can initiate a feeling of a cleansing away the sadness and looking forward to a new, happy tomorrow, if you are internally feeling optimistic... The same rain can generate a feeling that the nature is equally depressed with black clouds hanging low, looking towards impending gloom, if you are feeling dismally despondent... If you are spending time with a loved one, you will feel like dancing in the rain and appreciate that the nature is tossing tiny goblets of joy at you and your lover... It is just so fascinating, at the same time, astounding, how differently the mind comprehends the same fact, based on its current state.

A spate of disconnected thoughts and I guess I felt a sudden impulse to write... Am I being too cut-off from reality these days? My writing might suggest so, though I do not think I am... :P

Interesting theory for love?

Valentine's day is approaching... tomorrow, in fact! Love is in the air... everything seems to be affected... starting from the romantic music playing in the malls, coffee shops around the city, to "Every kiss begins with K" and similar series of ads on TV, to a new set of spam mails of the "Give them a rock this Valentine's day, the one they've ALWAYS wanted" sort in my mailbox, to couples holding hands and kissing, walking around... even the weather seems to have gotten into the mood, with beautiful sunsets and what not! Interesting... lightens my mood and makes me happy on one hand... and a tad bit sad on the other... oh well, anyways...

I took a break from work and decided to attend one of the courses offered at the learning center at my company... the course was interesting to say the least. But, to sit through a whole day of class... Oh My God! I did not know it would be such a daunting task... Had to browse through websites, chat with friends, get some work done AND of course, depend on lots of caffeine to keep myself awake and concentrate on the class. When browsing through the web, I came across this article, that gave advice on love.

When do you actually realise that you are in love with a "special someone", or if someone is in love with you? I am using "in love with someone" and not "love someone"... there is a difference! As they say, actions speak louder than words... As romantic, engaging and seductive as the words of the "special someone" might be, no words can take the place of concrete action and behavior.

- Do they listen to you?
Actually listening and not just hearing to what someone is saying... listening to their point of view, their issues and anything they have to say is very important. If you really love someone, this is the first thing that you would involuntarily do! The same goes with the "other person" as well. If they really are "in love" with you, they would LISTEN to you.

- Do they follow through on their promises and commitments?
This is one of the most important characteristics of a person... how well they keep the promises and commitments they make to you... how often do they go back on them!

- Do they at least attempt to express interest in your interests and likes -- even if it isn't their thing?
LOL... don't you think this is quite important as well? I know being honest about everything you feel is important... nevertheless, if you really love someone, you involuntarily tend to develop an interest in their interests and likes... for example, even though you might be really bored with some specific sort of movie genre, or music in general, you would try to develop interest in it just so you can get to know the other person well... and spend more time with them! The key thing is that this is a two-way street...

- Do they sometimes go out of their way to demonstrate their care for you?
Is this not simply romantic? If not in every step, showing that you care at least once a while is a really significant aspect in a relationship.

- Do they show up for the relationship -- treating it and you as a priority?
As I already said, a relationship is a two-way street. Prioritising different aspects of life and being clear and discussing about them lets you know how much they actually care about you.

- Do they tell you how they feel? Can they give you space when you need to take it?
Of course, open communication is the baseline of any successful relationship. Of course, every person needs space, but opening up to someone you are in love with is quite important.

- Do they respect your requests, thoughts and values -- even if they don't always agree?
Mutual respect even in case of disagreement... tough, but it just makes it all worth it!

- Are they willing to forgo -- or at least address -- their own addictions, distractions and personal hang-ups that keep them distant from you? Are they honest with you?
Being honest about feelings is really a basic issue when it comes to love. Addressing one's own short-comings and trying to overcome them or work through them together shows how much one loves the other person.

- Do they love you for who you are -- not simply for what you provide or do for them?
This question is quite interesting too... food for some thought here ;)

And I would repeat that all of these have to come from BOTH the persons involved. Though I am not much experienced, just sharing a few of my thoughts here I guess... ;) Can I take a shot at being a therapist? Or do I myself need one? lol...

Dream on... my heart! ;)

"Desert Rose"

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of fire
Those dreams are tied to a horse that will never tire
And in the flames
Her shadows play in the shape of a man's desire

This desert rose
Each of her veils, a secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume ever tortured me more than this

And as she turns
This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams
This fire burns
I realize that nothing's as it seems

I dream of rain
I lift my gaze to empty skies above
I close my eyes
This rare perfume is the sweet intoxication of her love

I've been listening to this song repeatedly for the last few days... Exquisitely written lyrics... I really loved them! Man dreams and dreams... I guess that is what finally keeps us alive?

I dream of rain and green gardens in the desert that my life is... Is it possible that it might come true? nevertheless, I dream on... I wake up from the dream as I realise that it might not be true...? But I still continue to dream... of love... the one thing that everyone on this earth keeps looking for... not many may find it, but we dream on... Time runs through my hands... time goes on, doesn't stop... doesn't run backwards... always runs on... and I dream of love... maybe I will find it some day?

I dream of fire... sometimes I do... my desires, imaginations, dreams dancing like shadows in front of the fire... dream of them... is that all I can do? The dreams of course never tire... they run like a tireless horse... every time I sleep... sometimes, I dream with my eyes open as well...

The desert rose... my one love? with lots of secret promises... each promise meant to be kept? ... or broken? The sweetness of the rose... the smell... the beautiful moments... torture me? do they? they are just dreams... and the great thing is that I can shape things as I want in my dreams... I dream on...

Finally, realisation of reality strikes? Nothing is as it seems... everything is unreal... But I still dream... longingly gaze at the empty skies to open up sometime... close my eyes and immerse in the sweet intoxication of love... memories... sweet memories... besotting memories! A state of euphoria!

Taare Zameen Par... a movie with a message that touches the heart!

I had a few expectations when I went to watch this movie... and I am happy to say that I was totally satisfied. The movie is about a dyslexic child and how he is misunderstood and mistreated by everyone, including his own parents. It is a story of hope, where the child finally overcomes his obstacles, with the help of a teacher who himself has been through the same problem. His family finally accepts him and we have a happy ending... (what can I say... I am partial to happy endings... :P)

The protagonist of the movie Ishaan Awasthi, played by Darsheel Safary, is very real. I think child actors are really giving great performances these days... The astounding performance of Darsheel was reminiscent of the phenomenal performance of Freddie Highmore in August Rush. The other actors in the movie all seem very real. Not many known faces in the movie, which is a sort of a beneficial factor; the good thing is that each of the characters has played his or her part to perfection. Aamir is at his usual best! Of course, we can overlook the three professors at the boarding school; not that they haven't delivered, but their characters seem unbaked or too hypothetical - there could have been more depth provided to at least one of them. We can also neglect the fact that the movie could have been a few minutes shorter... The movie, as a whole, makes up for all the flaws.

Music in the movie is good too... and so are the lyrics! I was really touched by the song "Maa...", where the child sings out to his mother. "I have always been afraid of the dark, but I did not say anything... I always cared for you, but I may not have shown it... but you always knew me, you always knew everything... please do not leave me... do not send me away... am I really that bad, my dear mom?" The lyrics are really poignant. And the picturisation is great too. The other song that moved me was the title song. They really brought tears to my eyes.

The very concept of the movie is so real. When people do not understand you, or what you are going through, they just follow the traditional path, saying "you are just being stubborn, you can do anything if you really put your mind to it." This has been perfectly captured in the movie where the father of the dyslexic child just thinks that the child is acting up or is just being stubborn and hence, is not being good at school-work. That is the problem with the close-minded educated people... they "think" they know everything... but very few realise that there is always something that we do not know, something that might be true and real if we just try to understand!

In the movie, the teacher puts the father in his place when he asks him to read Chinese... saying he just has to make up his mind, he has to work hard and he would be able to do it... the exact same words that were used for the child who just could not get it! The helplessness of the child then dawns upon the father, but again being "practical", his comeback is "what would he do in the society? how will he live?" Hmmm... that makes sense and is something that needs to be thought about too. But again, what is society? It is we who make up the society! If the society has to accept something or realise the issues, someone has to pioneer... First of all, we should ourselves understand the issues and then, accept it... only then do we have to think about the society...

The child was really lucky to have found a person who has been through the same problem, else he might have ended up becoming a withdrawn, depressed person, or a socio-path or might even have killed himself... I personally have seen my own friends going through lots of problems since they could not do well at school... they might all not have been dyslexic, some might have been... some might have had other issues. We basically have to try to understand the problem, instead of being stubborn about it and pressurizing the person involved. In a broader sense, we should try to understand, feel and recognise what people might be going through, instead of just being judgmental and bigoted. If we just make an effort to educate ourselves of the issues, instead of putting them down without even thinking, it would be a real help in most situations. And it shows that we care. I wish to see more Indian movies with good themes like this... Overall, a really wonderful movie with a ray of hope and a good message.