The human psyche is such a complicated phenomenon... it has a plethora of emotions, each having a multitude of dimensions, each showing up in different ways... sometimes alone, sometimes as a combination of sorts! And it gets more convoluted as they start contradicting one another. And the mind goes into a state of mayhem when feelings and thoughts refute one another. I have been contemplating these random thoughts for some time now.
Sometimes, you just know what you have to do! But you just cannot do it... the mind cannot comprehend a situation where things do not go in the way they were "supposed" to go! It is so easy to act nonchalant about issues, to pretend... trying to be superficially fine with the things as they are or the way they are going to be in the near future. You can go into a state of denial or a state of ignorance, or maybe just hit the problem head-on(which I guess rarely ever happens!).
Consider a situation where someone very close to you is moving away. The positive side of the mind says, "enjoy when you can... these are the little moments you can treasure and remember..." One other part of the mind says, "what is the point! it is anyways not going to last... you will be left all alone to yourself... do not let anyone in! do not let yourself be hurt... keep everything at a superficial level..." There is a random part of the mind which just wants to whack the person hard on the head and put some sense into them! I can think of a couple more better ways of trying to clear their head... or not? lol... but again, some things are better left unsaid... a delicate balance being maintained should not be disturbed. Are you ready to take a leap of faith? The logical part of the mind says a huge, resounding NO!!! The optimistic, cuddly, innocent part says maybe... But again, a small jump seems feasible... a huge leap... the mind would definitely say no!
As they say, emotions cannot be told the science of logic, nor the rules of morality! But trying to do that is what starts the turbulence in the mind. If we try to incorporate some logic into our emotions, maybe we would be much happier? And I think we would never be able to live with ourselves if we were not morally right, at least to our own standards... this is definitely true for me, and I guess for a lot of people as well... Anyways, it is this act of trying to assimilate logic and morality into emotions and act according to that, is what creates the prolific fizzle of tumultuous instability inside us... it all finally dies down with a state of no emotion...
Let me try to use some terminology from computer science... after all, that is supposedly my "major" of study... Would it not have been simply wonderful if our mind was like a RAM (Random Access Memory), instead of a PROM (Programmable Read Only Memory)? Just remembering incidents and people till we shut down (sleep)... and when we boot up (wake up), it is all erased... afresh, anew... we would not even remember meeting some people... we would forget all the hurt... we would forget the joy as well... but again, should we not be satisfied with just the moment of joy? Sometimes it just would be the greatest thing, but sometimes it would just be heart-breaking to forget some things... lol... the "famous", or should I say... the "infamous" CONTRADICTION strikes again?
